Ye Olde Linoleum Shoppe

Sunday, 26 June 2011

ARCHAEOLOGISTS' TROWELS Vs. THEIR CAREERS

Recent results from a study finding a direct correlation between wear patterns on trowels and the career of their users . . . (see Sponge and Bob 2010)


Fig. 1 YOUTH: Archaeologist is bouncy, full of good intentions, working on a prehistoric research dig. Gullible as hell.

Fig. 2 MATURITY: Archaeologist has dreadlocks. Working on an urban site. Smoking banned substances and reading William Shatner style science fiction. Can't understand why members of the opposite sex don't find them alluring.

Fig. 3 OLD AGE: Head shaved bald after bad dose of cooties. Working part time on mushroom farm. Is on first name terms with dole officer. Argues with everything said to them, even compliments.

Fig. 4 DECREPITUDE: Naplam grade halitosis, crippling arthritis. Seriously considering upskilling to become a petrol pump attendant.

4 comments:

  1. If you have a public sector job, your trowel, no longer truly reflects your descent into decrepitude. Having taken the queen's shilling, your trowel cannot progress beyond mature. However the other symptoms, haliitosis, arthritis etc. can still occur. Ed

    ReplyDelete
  2. On the other hand, the trowel takes on a patina of old age and, if you are lucky, develops a hint of gravitas. The same type of gravitas that slowly lowers your centre of gravity and makes you slightly vague. It's lack of use can improve your chances of not developing arthritis, but the descent into decrepitude is certain just the same.

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  3. i thought the title read "archaeologists and their carers!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. I could do with a carer - my trowel is worn to a splinter.

    ReplyDelete

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