Ye Olde Linoleum Shoppe

Thursday 30 June 2011


No one was more excited than myself when supermodel Ana Beatriz Barroz was spotted on the boulevards of Monaco smoking a pipe. It was a clear signal that this years fashion accessory 'must have' est une pipe de tabac! In the fusty world of archaeology the sighting was greeted with an odorous puff of relief as university lecturers and circuit diggers alike leapt from their metaphorical closets, pipes gripped tightly between their teeth. Hurrah chums! Slouch in the shadows of obscurity no more because once again our favourite toot is chic.
But let us not be lax in our pipe smoking habits - there's a right way to carry a pipe and a wrong way.
Figure 1 above illustrates the right way, with the aid of none other than Sir Mortimer Wheeler CH, CIE, MC, FBA, FSA, WTF? Morty was no stranger to sucking on a bowlful of doof - but he rarely placed the mouthpiece to his lips, preferring instead to wave it languidly in a circular motion as he spoke, allowing the sweet aroma of baccy to scent the air much like incense at a Roman Catholic mass. This man knew what it was all about. He could waffle nine to the dozen and leave his audience in no doubt about the veracity of his gibberish thanks to the hypnotic effects of old Mr. Smokey Mac Pipe.
Figure 2 GOOD HEAVENS! No, no ,no, no, no, no, NO! This mindless bean has his pipe stylings all wrong. It might work well enough for him in the theoretical archaeology circles he stumbles through (and God knows those hopeless people are so hopped up on disco biscuits they would believe anything,) but in the serious, tweed bedecked corridors of scholardom he doesn't stand a chance.

And while I do love the comments you add below these postings let's have no smut along the lines of 'Sir Mortimer certainly knew how to have a good pull on his pipe.' Thank You.

Tune in for more tips soon archaeofashionistas.

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I am a descended from a long line of conga dancers. I occasionally wear shoes. I gave up going to the toilet twenty years ago - it's a filthy habit. I have a pet bunny called Mucky - he's a filthy rabbit.