Ye Olde Linoleum Shoppe

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

FASHION TIPS FOR ARCHAEOLOGISTS No. 7

THE  WHEELBARROW


The deceptively simple uniwheeled, stereohandled design of the wheelbarrow has proved itself very pliant in the mitts of fashionista archaeologists. No more humble mode of filth propulsion exists which can be moulded so willingly into a contrivance that says everything about it's user.
Niall Colfer has used the nascent field of nanotechnology to develop the micro-barrow and he can often be heard hard at work in the pockets of fellow archaeologists using his new invention to remove the troublesome balls of fluffy lint which accumlate willy nilly in our aforementioned trouser pouches. So next time you put your hand into your pocket and find your linty balls have been interfered with . . .Oh Dear, I think I've said enough.
Aidan O Sullivan's desire to feel his fillings being sucked out by gravitational forces as he hoors around the corner of the site spoil heap has led him to develop a no-holds-barred turbobarrow (YEE-HAW! Go Team Aidan!) This baby's top speed is limited only by weather conditions and O Sullivan's choice of breakfast - on a dry day, with porridge, he can give the large hadron collider a run for it's money. So it truly can be said, (and at the risk of yet another double entendre) - when it comes to evacuating dirt, Aidan has certainly pushed the boat out.
The laziness and ingenuity of Wiltshire archaeologists had led them to design the spectacular West Kennet Longbarrow (not to be confused with the West Kennet Long Barrow.) Once filled to capacity the longbarrow need not be pushed to the spoil heap - because it's already there. So three cheers for all those fine Wiltshire  people - even though the buggers wouldn't sweat in an oven.
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And when an archaeologist's metaphorical days work is done, they know, (only too well,) how they will carried across the great unknown to the spoil heap of the afterlife. . .
To finish I would just like to include a picture of Thackeray - because all that talk of wheelbarrows has left me completely Thackered.
Until next time - you steamy pride of buttermonkeys!

2 comments:

  1. Hale
    In olden days the barrow was king
    ......now they have skips

    ReplyDelete

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