Saturday, 11 February 2012
DINNER WITH MARK ZUCKERBERG
I finally gave in to (my old streaking buddy) Mark Zuckerberg's badgering requests to have dinner over at his. The man's a dreadful bore but I couldn't say no forever.
He met me at the hall door with a damp handshake and said: 'It's so good to connect with you and build platforms.'
'Sorry?' I said. This questioning tone seemed to enflame Mark's anger.
'Just take off your f**king shoes and give them to me!!' He roared.
Never one to argue I complied and he put on my shoes. This had a calming effect on him.
'You know,' he said, 'It's great to share, sharing is all about transparency and crossing bridges.'
'Mark,' I said, in a concerned fashion, 'Bridges? Transparency? - I haven't a G*dd**ned notion what you're on about.'
'Your trousers,' he bellowed, 'I want those too! And that shirt! And your socks and kegs too!'
Needless to say, my progressing state of nudity was having a cooling effect on the evening.
'What we have here is a partnership, one of social music and shared clothing,' said Mark softly. His movements were slow, now that he had all my clothes on over his own.
'I think I'd like to go home now Mark,' I said, my bottom lip wobbling and a tear welling up in my eye.
Mark lifted a can opener - it seemed to provoke a Pavlovian response in him . . . 'You're not going anywhere,' he drooled, 'until I have peeled your soul away from your carcass. . .'
Which is a very hypocritical way of saying I have started up a facebook page.
Please do join in the fun. I hope to sort out a like button on this page but I don't understand HTML stuff so it could be many moons 'ere that arrives.