My primary school friends and I would spend hours, noses pressed against the shop window, staring at these boxes containing plastic wonders. We would stare at them until our snot glued us to the window and the fire brigade was called to crowbar us off.
Childhood chum Shaunie Fitzpatrick, (many moons before his dizzying success in the banking sector) was particularily taken by the 'Looting Bastard' model kit (when assembled it featured an overweight posse of businessmen dumping a golden calf into a bottomless pit - I still don't understand what it was about.) My other pal Daniel O'Donnell, (in the days when he hadn't a frog in his trousers nor an arse in his throat) couldn't take his eyes off the 'Elvis Presley Invading Poland' model kit (I often wonder about the historical accuracy of that one.) And what kit caught my eye?
Well don't pretend you haven't already guessed . . .
1. Head -supplied empty, feel free to stuff with arrogance and loony theories.
2. Hat -makes him look like Bungo from the Wombles.
3. Beard -adds to the overall womblesque appearance.
4. Ponytail -optional, for more of a 'My Little Pony' look.
5. Trowel Arm -for scratching at soil.
6. Other Arm -for scratching at hole.
7. Torso -and lavish beer gut.
8. Man Boobs -big enough to smother a sparrow.
9. Wages -a bag of peanuts.
10. Left leg -arthritic.
11. Right Leg - gammy.
12. Feet -clad in recession style plastic bags.
13. Loins -when painting model don't forget to add greasy stains.
14. Plumb bob -and SpongeBob.
15. Excavation licence.
16. Psychiatric evaluation.
17. Pencil - for buttering sandwiches and picking ears and teeth.
18. Sense of propriety - sadly missing.