Ye Olde Linoleum Shoppe

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

MORE BLEEDIN' POETRY




Fond friends - lately it appears sweet Polyhymina, the muse of sacred poetry, refuses to leave my ears alone. I might only be lifting a broom to innocuously beat the cat out of the chandelier - when (quite without my conscent) the Goddess seizes hold of my Eustachian tube and discharges a sonnet or (more often than not) a filthy limerick, into my cerebral cortex.

I am, in short, becoming a poet (well, it can hardly pay worse than archaeology can it?)


My first poem today is a short reflection on L.P. Hartley's immortal line -'The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.' Please read on.


THE PAST IS A FOREIGN BODY

Last night I passed a foreign land.
How it got up there
I will never know.



My next poem is a stirring ode to death and birthday cake.


BURIAL REQUEST

Oh say you'll serve buns at my funeral
Jellys and chocolates and cakes
Marshmallow top hats
Lots of sugar and fats
To keep the folks sweet at my wake


- My wake
Feed them all sweets at my wake


Strew my coffin with icing and candles
Then ask all assembled to puff
Like and exhaling choir
Extinguish those fires
So's I won't be the only thing snuffed


- Thing snuffed
See that those candles are snuffed

Make my end a sugar rush festival
Let the tears be frosted with fun
That's all that I'm sayin'
But if you find that profane
Nail me up on a hot cross bun

-A bun
Let me die for my sins on a bun

BURY  ME  IN  CAKE


My final poem today comes with a colourful illustration which would be oddly suitable as a bookmark.

Captain Cheese
By mistake the navy knew him
As 'The Corsair Captain Cheese'
On account of the prosthetic
Mounted just below his knees.
It was that adapted flagpole
The error had been built on,
Since mariners oft' spoke of
That pirate with the Stilt-on.

That's all for now darlings. Thank you for your continuing ability to read.

2 comments:

  1. brilliant Mchale - she fell off me lap.
    There must be a publisher for this.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think it might prove to be a vanity job.
    Poems with cartoons attached, printed in Beano Comic format.

    ReplyDelete

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I am a descended from a long line of conga dancers. I occasionally wear shoes. I gave up going to the toilet twenty years ago - it's a filthy habit. I have a pet bunny called Mucky - he's a filthy rabbit.

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