Ye Olde Linoleum Shoppe

Monday, 14 May 2012

CENSORSHIP AND BURIAL PRACTISES

Sometime last week an Idaho housewife left a comment saying my superlative illustration of Howard Carter in a pink bra was 'really childish.' I can only agree - and in a supreme act of contrition I will be censoring this weeks blog of any childish smut or otherwise. Please read on . . .
You can say what you like about cremation but when I go out of print an extended inhumation is the only man for me. Bury me 'neath six feet of compostuous soil and let the worms have their filthy way with me - I guarantee you there will ne'er be a happier corpse in Christendom! Which makes me wonder about alternative forms of dealing with the departed. Take for example liquimation . . .
Liquimation involves turning oneself into a high protein smoothie after the sweet breath of life has departed. One wonders if XX'X X XXX XXXX X XXXXXXXXX XX X XXXXX XXXX in extreme close-up over the assembled mourners. Or perhaps XXXXXXX XXX XXXX X XXX with a vicar on a Friday. This is taken to the extreme with the Tibetan practice of sky burials:
Sky burials are effected by hurling corpses into clouds which have the appropriate moisture content to securely hold a body. Prayers are chanted before the staying rope is cut and the cadaver is gracefully sent aloft into the wooly grasp of a passing altocumulus. Not unlike a X XXX XXXXX XX X XXXX XX XXXXX. or even XXXXXXXX XXXX XXX XX a passing camel.
Sky burials were particularly frequent during the Tibetan Festival of Swarfega when the heavens were aglow with soaring daisy pushers XXX XXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXX XXXX XXXX  XXXXXX XXXXX and he was only able to walk in a circle afterwards. The festival of Swarfega was ended for good when Richard Gere invaded Tibet XX XXX XXXXXXX XX XXX XXXX XXX his smouldering good looks were used as a car wrench and 'The Runaway Bride' was the last half decent film he ever made (but Julia Roberts XX X XXXXX XXXX.)
It has been claimed Richard Gere XXXX XXXXXX XXXX XX X XXXXXX XXXX XXX XX XXXXXXX XX XXX XXX - although I fail to understand how one could conceal an entire sack of oats in one's pants.
Well that's all for this week, God Bless Idaho and may I forever be numbered among the childish. 


CHOCKS AWAY CHUMS!

5 comments:

  1. Nope cant guess what the blinkin Xs stand for McHale

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh good, that makes two of us. I don't feel so lonely now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I come from Idiot too and I find childernish ofensuv
    oh... Idaho
    sorry

    ReplyDelete
  4. Uv a payne im minars wid ull dis pur spellun

    ReplyDelete
  5. I come from France where no one gives a fuck about being childish or rude. Could this be why it gets more tourists than Idaho?

    ReplyDelete

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I am a descended from a long line of conga dancers. I occasionally wear shoes. I gave up going to the toilet twenty years ago - it's a filthy habit. I have a pet bunny called Mucky - he's a filthy rabbit.

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